When I Least Expected It...

I was comfortable with the fact that I probably wouldn't meet someone. I was fine being alone, and I was doing ok. There were moments when I wished that I had someone by me for certain things, but I couldn't risk being hurt again, and this time also subjecting my girls to possibly being hurt.

A friend approached me over 2 years ago and said she wanted to "hook" me up with Corey, a guy that I had gone through all of Junior High and High School with. Corey and I didn't have much to do with each other, but knew of each other. I didn't think much of it and told her it was fine to give him my number.

I remember the first time we talked, June 23rd 2010. The ONLY reason I can remember that date, is that I was at a hotel with Danaka and 5 of her friends for her surprise birthday party, so when he called I gladly accepted the break from the madness. We talked for such  a long time that night, just got re-acquainted, I guess you could say.

We met for lunch that following week. I walked away thinking he was nice, but immediately started to try and find every excuse I could why I shouldn't like him, but looking back now, I think the reason why I did that was because, that date was easy. Even though Corey probably only said 10 words because of how shy he is, it was comfortable.

The next weekend we went out with JR and Mindy (friend responsible :) ) to dinner and then back to their house to play games. Once again nothing out over the top, and same feelings as when I left lunch.

For about a year and half, we would go on a couple of dates, talk a lot, and then he would seriously just disappear (I blame it on solely on him, but in reality I had my magic disappearing moments).  Every few months or so he would pop back in and again the journey started and again it was reason after reason why I couldn't like him!

In January, I was talking to Mindy and mentioned that we had just talked on Christmas for a few minutes, but nothing else  and that I missed him. I finally admitted to myself that I liked him, but that the ball was in his court. I was not going to be the instigator (fear taking over again). About 2 weeks later, out of the blue I got a text. Things just kinda took off from there. No more disappearing :), we talked everyday, went on dates. I was not going to admit to him or anyone that I liked him. I was pretty sure he didnt' really like me, he was still shy as shy could be, nothing to indicate that he liked me, and I mean NOTHING!

In May right before my finals we went out to dinner and for the first time, face to face, we just talked about everything. After he left that night with the sweetest, most simple kiss, I started listing all the reasons why I really liked him. He was genuine, there is nothing fake. You get what you see. The October before that in one of our "dating periods" he dropped his plans of driving 2 hours to his family's cabin to go to the Highland football game to watch Danaka cheer. He was sweet. He always asked me how the girls were doing, how I was doing. The best part is, Corey knew me and my past and had/has accepted every part of it.

His family's cabin is up past Evanston. We were talking about it one night and he had mentioned about us going up. I brushed it off as nothing. Well we then had a trip planned for memorial day weekend, and like any sappy love story it was a turning moment :)

I saw a side of Corey up there, that I didn't know existed. He was finally in an element of comfort and it showed. We spent the weekend riding for wheelers, talking, watching movies, just relaxing. He treated me like a queen. He did everything from the shopping to the cooking. He drove me an hour several times that weekend to talk to my girls. He let me have a weekend with no responsibilities to just enjoy being up there.

I have truly never met someone like Corey. I always tell him that I keep waiting for him to change in to a frog.  The way he treats me and my girls is beyond my comprehension. I didn't think it was possible to feel this way about someone again. He brings out the better sides of me. He calms me, he makes me laugh when that is the last thing that I want to do. He loves me and my girls. He always goes out of his way to make sure I know how he feels.

Where ever this journey takes us, I am going to enjoy the ride. This is the long version of the shortened version...stay tuned! I hope there is a lot more to share.

A Look Back....

5 years ago this week, my life was turned completely upside down. My marriage was ending, I was 5 months pregnant, on bed rest after years of trying and 3 miscarriages,  and an 11 year old daughter whose life was  also completely changing before  her eyes. I had no idea how I was going to pull through this, how do I help Danaka realize that none of this was her fault and that we would be ok!

It has been a grieving process for me. I know that is a weird way to compare it, but I truly feel as though something died that day. I know that what happened the day that Greg left was supposed to happen and that the "overtime you'll get over it" statement would probably ring true, but I lost so much that day. I lost my little family, I lost who I thought was my best friend and eternal companion, I lost the second family that I had the privilege of being a part of 13 years. There were days I felt great and days I just cried. There are still days that I miss certain things, but I guess that is how that process works.

The part that was so hard for me is that once again I had to heavily rely on my family, and my 11 year old. For the first 5 years of her life it was me and her, she pulled me through some pretty tough times during that stage and here she was again, without her realizing it, she was once again my rock. I got up in the morning and put on the happiest face I could for her. One day I will be able to fully explain to her what is was she did for me.

My sweet J came in to our lives that November. She was such a sweet easy going baby. Since Danaka started to begin her teenage years and the constant need to be busy, Jayci kept me busy, and my mind off a lot of "what could have been". Life was I guess as it was supposed to be and I had to come to terms with it.

Danaka and Jayci gave me a reason to smile, they gave me a reason to get up in the morning and to try and be the best mom that I could. It is amazing to me the influence and impact that children have in our lives.

As time has marched on since that July 5 years ago. Life has been rough, but life has also been amazing. I am a better person and mom than I was back then. I appreciate things that I didn't use to appreciate. I have done things to better myself, my life and the life that I have tried to give my girls.

I made the decision to go back to school. There are many reasons why I went back to school. I wanted to feel secure, I wanted to challenge myself, I wanted to prove to my girls that anything was possible, I was told over and over that is what I was supposed to be doing, and to get my mom off my back, in a good way. She was so worried about me dating that she encouraged me over and over to go to school, I think in hopes to meet someone. When I told her I finally enrolled she was thrilled, until I told her it was all online. More time at home, and more time that I couldn't devote to meeting someone. I also did online classes, because the thought of meeting new people and dating scared me. I had been on a few dates, but nothing worth writing home about. School was now my scape goat to keep me busy on the weekends the girls were gone, I had an excuse not to venture out.

Life is so good right now. I feel blessed beyond what I deserve. My girls are healthy, for the most part we are happy. They are both thriving at everything they do. They love me which is more than I could ask for. I have a family that supports me, loves me and helps me in any way that they can, friends that have stood by me and supported me, and I have met or should I say have been re-acquainted with someone who has become my best friend and someone that I could see spending forever with (that is a story that I will pick up later).

This post is to more or less start my story again, to thank everyone who has helped me through my life and for me to remember that I have made it through and I can begin to close this chapter as another is opening up.